Introducing: Sex!

Ethel found out that I had played doctor with Cheryl from across the street. We had this nice old hollow tree trunk that was big enough to hang out in so I know she didn’t see us. Cheryl must have told her mother who must have told mine. I didn’t get the brush this time but man, did she scream at me. She went on and on about how sex was dirty and sex was evil and if I did sex again I was gonna go to hell for a long time. It sounded like nothing but, “sex! sex! sex!,” like it was an advertisement. The thing is, it wasn’t even sex, it was just poking at each other with sticks pretending we were doctors doing examinations.

I wasn’t even jerking off at the time. I was masturbating but I didn’t know it because my sex education consisted of nothing. I only did it at night in bed and this is how it worked: I’d lay on my stomach with my hands down there and just squirm around on the bed until this intense feeling happened. I really had no idea what was happening but I knew enough not to let anybody catch me. I would only do it when I knew Karl was asleep.

But after the lecture about sex, sex, sex, I decided it was worth trying for real. Cheryl wouldn’t do it again which confirmed that she must have told and got in trouble so I asked an older girl who lived up the street named Dianne if she would try it with me. She said yes so this is how it went:

We took off all our clothes. Dianne laid down on the ground. I laid down on top of her. When my dick wouldn’t go in her by itself we tried using our hands to shove it in but it wouldn’t go. It was too limp so we gave up and smoked a cigarette instead. We talked about whether or not we were still virgins but weren’t sure. Then we put our clothes on and went home.

The next year I had an actual girlfriend but we only kissed. It didn’t seem important to do any more than that. I got teased for it, though. There was this time we had a little party in my basement and everybody paired up and made out. Linda and I were laying on a couch making out underneath a blanket. Someone turned off the lights and my parents never came down so I guess I could have had sex but I didn’t try. A few days later a couple of the other kids that were there came up to me at the school dance and said that they heard I was in bed with Linda and all we did was kiss. Then they laughed at me. They couldn’t believe I didn’t at least get to second or third base. I was ashamed of myself. I also thought, what was it with girls and always telling? I didn’t get mad at Linda, though, because I was in love with her. I was so in love with her that I carved her name in my arm with a broken pencil. That made me feel a little better.

About the author

Eric

Eric Jennings is a poet, an invocateur, an accidental yogi and he dabbles in patamysticism which is the spiritual branch of pataphysics.

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Eric Jennings

My name is Eric Jennings and this is one of my poetry and writing blogs. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and most of the work on this site is borne from those experiences.

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